Advice-ish Column

Guys, I know. You’ve ALL been bombarding us here at the Kumquat, constantly asking when we’re going to drop a totally real, non-satirical advice column. Well, look no further. Yes, I may be a 21-year-old girl who is still afraid of cooking raw chicken and occasionally calls her mom to ask whether she can put certain clothes in the dryer or not. My only qualifications are that I’ve binge-watched Sex and the City one too many times and I was a line leader in kindergarten. But I’m coming to you, humble student body, with a pen and a dream. A dream to insert myself into all of your problems. My therapist says this is just me “avoiding dealing with my own issues,” but I think that’s stupid and dumb. So please, write me with your issues, trust me with your life, and most importantly, prove my dumb therapist wrong. No problem is too small, but some of them may be too big. Those are questions for someone who was a line leader in at least first grade. Ok ta ta. ~