The Kumquat — Chapman's Most Reliable Newspaper
The Kumquat — Chapman's Most Reliable Newspaper
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You gaze into the mirror, and your true self is revealed. You are Curry Barker.

New Report Shows that YOU Were Supposed to be Curry Barker

Issue 85 | July 2026

YOU were supposed to have 5 films set up at studios and HE was supposed to be considering grad school!

Shedding My Womanhood for a Decent Bedframe

Issue 85 | July 2026

With under 4-6 years of work experience and $32.16 in my bank account, I had to act fast.

Silver Lake Workwear Trend's Professional Consequences

Issue 85 | July 2026

The young fashionistas of Silver Lake have reached unprecedented levels of nonchalance as the widely popular workwear trend has them wearing reflector vests and hard hats.

empty wallet

My Corporate Job is Paying Me in Panther Bucks

Issue 85 | July 2026

Is this only happening to me?

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