I’ve noticed it, you’ve noticed it. Trick-or-treating just isn’t the same as it used to be. Houses aren’t welcoming, Candy bars feel smaller, and decorations aren’t nearly as scary. In short, It feels more trick than treat these days.

Unrelated, I am 26 years old. I’m a masters student, so Orange has been my stomping grounds for some time. I’ve seen halloween empires rise and fall. The houses that gave the big bars are a distant memory. What the hell are we doing, people? Have we forgotten our roots? Every year more ‘treaters lose their way. I’m way too dialed-in for these kiddy lobbies, it feels unfair to compete when most Orange ‘treaters are 6–12 years old. What’s worse than no-shows is rookies not taking this seriously. It’s treated like a game, It’s not, it’s a 400-year-old tradition.

This halloween, I’m not taking no for an answer. My costume (burglar) is sure to win them over. I’m buying a ski mask and all-black onesie (Though XXL may be hard to find! I’m 6’8 and 400 pounds). I don’t care what the haters say, if I'm ringing the door, I’m getting my reward. Except almond joys, those are icky.