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Best Group Costumes if Your Friend is in a Coma
Issue 88 | October 2026
Your friend in the coma would be drowsy and you have to be Mr. Calendar.
Tales from a Fallen Angel Wings’ Halloweekend
Issue 88 | October 2026
I overheard that I was part of man-whore’s last-minute costume: “Dead Lucifer” or some nonsense like that. Except, idiot forgot to get fake blood when he swiped me from Spirit Halloween, so they used ketchup.
How to Bake a SPOOKY Trick-or-Treat Surprise! (Sponsored by Gillette Razors)
Issue 88 | October 2026
Are you an Orange homeowner excited for Halloween? Follow this simple cookie recipe to trick the local tots with a treat they’ll never forget!
Did Trick Or Treating Fall Off?
Issue 88 | October 2026
I’ve noticed it, you’ve noticed it. Trick-or-treating just isn’t the same as it used to be. Houses aren’t welcoming, Candy bars feel smaller, and decorations aren’t nearly as scary. In short, It feels more trick than treat these days.
Boo! The Scariest Halloween Costumes of the Year Are…
Issue 88 | October 2026
Solo, group/couple costumes, and more!
Help! My Devil Costume Isn’t Coming Off
Issue 88 | October 2026
Okay, so last week this new fraternity was throwing a Halloween party, and since I have absolutely zero time these days, I had to default to the classic devil costume.
Is She Ghosting Me or Just Filming a Mr. Beast Video?
Issue 88 | October 2026
Take this quiz to determine if Beth from Hinge just got bored or if she must keep her hands on the helicopter.
Niche Massive Group Halloween Costume Ideas
Issue 88 | October 2026
What should me and my massive friend group do for our group halloween costume? Niche ideas only.
how I deal with post 9/11 trauma as a 19 year old republican
Issue 87 | September 2026
As a young conservative, I’m often kept up at night by traumatic childhood events.
BREAKING: Nothing Ever Changes
Issue 87 | September 2026
Inside sources have just alerted us that despite the endless forward march of time, humanity is destined to move ceaselessly in circles.
I Have a Crush On My Physics Teacher
Issue 87 | September 2026
I have a crush on a physics professor. I try to suppress my feelings, but the way he dedicates himself to his research and his computer is really hot. What should I do?
How Do I Change Fonts On This
Issue 87 | September 2026
A little worried, this is my first Kumquat article! But, I have a great article idea: “Pete the Panther Gets Shot FR!”