BOYFRIEND FOR SALE

After four long years, I have decided to part ways with my wonderful, eclectic, mid-century modern boyfriend as I can't do long-distance (he's moving to Westwood, I'm moving to Silver Lake). We met in Pralle-Sodaro, smoking weed (epic) and talking about how cool the dorm pool is (such a romantic). He'll be a wonderful addition to any home, happy to stand aside and look bored (so handsomely moody) or passionately overexplain his recent Letterboxd reviews (yeah, he's an artist). Even though some uneducated critics claim his thesis film was "misogynistic in a myriad of ways" or "actually so bad," they just don't understand him like I do. He's a really great guy and I promise you'll love him, or at least use him as a prop for Insta pictures. He'll pay for dinner (if you promise to give him head afterwards) and provide addresses to Fiji parties (if you promise to give him head afterwards). I'm heartbroken to part with him (but looking forward to having my first real orgasm). Open to offers but hoping to get rid of by May 30th. Pick up at Paul's on Thursday between midnight and three.