Chapman to Add Virtual Option to Go Fuck Yourself

After facing backlash for not allowing virtual learning with the pandemic still raging, Chapman has acted. The administration is adding a new, online option for students to go fuck themselves. "We were really excited to get back to normal", said an anonymous administration source. "If students complained, we told them to go fuck themselves." The source claims that trouble sprung up when students began to test positive. "We weren't sure how to proceed after initially hoping to end hybrid learning. Now it's simple," the source says. "You test positive, you say that in your daily screening, and it automatically redirects you to the google image results for 'middle finger'". Now time will only tell how the program, dubbed CU In Hell, will perform. Some fear that students may want to opt out of fucking themselves. Not to worry, the university is providing accommodations for those students, allowing them to instead eat shit.