Fowler Engineers Attempt to Solve Women's Health Crisis

The sexually frustrated, labia-owning pantheresses of Chapman University are victims of a rather bleak dating scene.

"There's just not enough options..." says Dodge student Lisa Lights, "We all just keep fucking each other. My ex-boyfriend has seen all of my friends' vaginas at this point, and it's making me really insecure."

Universities across the nation continuously reject their horrendous male applicants, shrinking dating pools and clitoral hoods. This cumming crisis climaxed when some of Fowler's women in stem stepped in with a new solution that edged the limits of engineering. After countless "sleepless" nights in the DCI lab came the fruition of Pete's Pulsating Paw, a vibrator oscillating at 300 "paws per second," almost powerful enough to crush the patriarchy.

"I just can't get enough," says Norma Bouchard, "It feels like Pete's right there with me, pawing away." The provost personally funded the product development, claiming to be "A girl's girl."

Unfortunately, Chapman Delts have purchased all of the stock, claiming the vibrator was much more suited for their brotherly bonding activities.