Greek life....more like greek LIE!!!! (an exposé)

This spring, freshman graphic design major, Jenna Farts, was offered a bid from [REDACTED] sorority but in the weeks since, she began to feel conflicted. When asked whether it was worth it, Ms. Farts had this to say. "Ummmm.... Yeah, well no. Well, uhhh....we get cute shirts and stuff, which is cool. But also, I think that maybe everyone in my sorority hates me and that I hate myself even more?"

The New Member meetings brought it another level. Ms. Farts recalls, "...a girl got up and said that she was our New Member Mom. And I was like, I already have a bitch for a mom, I don't need another. She wheeled out this bulletin board that had like a Dance Moms pyramid on it. It had all our pictures up there, and she went through and explained our placements". Ms. Farts was on the second to bottom row, because she had "the last name 'Farts', biggish teeth, and gave off Minnesota vibes." Ms. Farts is from Fresno. "After that, she passed around this bowl like church and made us put money in. The lower on the pyramid, the more cash."

When The Kumquat asked the New Member Mom what the money would go towards "charity" (she used air quotes, and then kicked us). It leaves one to wonder... where the Greek lies end and the Greek life begins.