Healthy Panther to Include On-Stage Anal Sex Demonstration This Year

"Healthy Panther is rooted in heteronormativity and we really want the identities of all Freshmen to be represented this year," Dr. Dani Smith commented. "That's why we're including an entire section dedicated to butt stuff."

With an array of phallic and firm objects presented, students of all genders will be able to talk about healthy decisions in ways their high school curriculum didn't cover. Orientation Coordinator Alejandra Veraz played a significant role in this new addition: "I just think it's really beautiful and raw! To help these incoming students understand what their bodies are capable of is something they'll never forget in this MANDATORY session."

Upon the insertion demonstration, the class of 2026 was mortified. "What the fuck did I just watch?" one participant commented. "Wait. I never knew my asshole could do that!" another whispered to the Panther in the seat next to him.

Despite the shocking nature of the program, Chapman University declared that the new addition is true to the institution's values. "We're all about our students' window of opportunity," Jerry Price stated, "that's why sometimes they just need to spread it open."