Help: Gay Garden

I've had it with this "Pride" month (a sin, btw) indoctrinating everything in sight. I am a proud Orange homeowner and member of the Gardening Ladies of Orange County Facebook Group, and (surprise, surprise) for the 5th June in a row, my garden is gay.

I never had an issue with the LGBCDer's until they invaded my home and forced my plants to be homosexual. At first, I thought it was a phase; how wrong I was. My garden became hotter and more interesting with every passing day. I suspect drag queens.

This June, like clockwork, all of my carrots just changed genders, and I can't get them to change back. They don't even want to be called carrots anymore. I used to water them until the gays started drinking that too, and every time it rains, they shove a big rainbow in the sky right after just because they can.

I've tried to reach out to the Gardening Ladies of Orange County to see if they have similar problems, but I have learned they are not gardeners at all, they actually smoke marijuana. What a stroke of luck! I'm ditching my garden meeting with the ladies this week to show me the ropes of what I hope is the last straight hobby in America!