How Do I Tell My Roommate I Might be Gay for Him?

I’m so glad you wrote in, because this reminds me of an exact situation I had my own freshman year. My friend Sally was hooking up with this guy Tim, even though he kept doing Gru impressions while they had sex, which like, why, but anyway, she had to stop seeing him because she got icked out after watching him skip four steps up the stairs, but her roommate, Allison, had kind of her own thing for Tim because they bonded over both being from the Bay, but like, who isn’t from the Bay here so that was really stupid of them, but Sally found out that Allison wanted Tim bad, so she ate all of Allison’s Reese’s Peanut Butter Cups and then went to go hook up with Tim, as like revenge, but then basically Tim ended up being deathly allergic to peanuts, so while they were hooking up he like went into anaphylaxis like DURING it and Sally had to call 911 and his mom which was like a super awkward call for her, but this is relevant because Tim ended up actually being gay for his roommate Tom because Tom came to the hospital and like apparently, cried so hard he threw up because he thought Tim was like going to die, so my advice is: You should probably know all of your roommate’s allergies so girls can’t accidentally poison him and also I guess make sure he’s gay too.

Hope this helps.