HOW TO SURVIVE THE BAY AREA TRAIL

Ho there, dear traveler, and take heed before you embark on your journey to the illustrious Bay Area!

The assurance of your safety begins with securing a proper wagon. Subaru Buggies are the premier choice, with space to store your limited edition Ethel Cain vinyl and point-and-shoot cameras. Embroidering "COEXIST" on the bow of your vehicle may also create camaraderie between you and the worldly travelers you'll meet on your pilgrimage.

Please consult your local youth group minister to see if conditions are optimal for crossing the Grapevine. Those winding hills are a doozy if you forget your friend Penjamin.

Make sure to fuel up at your local Trader Joe's Outpost. A good pick is some Trilogy Kombucha to guard you from the dreaded cholera and non-gmo prunes to aid with dysentery. Some strong peppermint essential oils will ward off urchins and hooligans who might just want a bite of your wagon. And don't fret; the reward of fresh boba awaits in the promised land, so your munchies won't last long!

So don your Lululemon Flare Pants or your thrifted Carhartt Jacket and hit the road! Your cloudy future in the Bay Area awaits!