In Bummer News: Struppa and Lisa Sparks Are Definitely Having Sex Tonight

You wanna hear something sad? As you read this, Struppa & Sparks are almost certainly going to pound town on each other's bodies.

"We start things off by reading passages from Fountainhead," said Struppa in an interview we did not want, or ask for. "Then, to really get our libidos going, she recites lines from my State of the University speech while we undress and prepare for fornication," said Struppa.

"Nothing gets me going more than free speech and political neutrality," Sparks chimed in.

Though, apparently, this routine only applies for "standard lovemaking" Struppa told us. "For Valentine's, we are taking it up a notch."

Struppa then proceeded to give us a description of sex acts too graphic to publish (even for us.) However, we can tell you that their safe word is donor.

Just when we thought this would never end, Sparks gave Struppa "the look" and walked out of the room, he quickly followed suit, but not before turning to us and saying:

"I am so excited to fuck my wife.... Like I fuck over my students on a daily basis."