Junior Guy Makes Waves With Post-Quar Rebrand

Finally returning to campus this semester, Junior Film Production major Daniel Kavesh has had one mission on his mind: become an elusive Dodge hottie. Kavesh has been preparing for the past year and a half by completely reinventing himself. "In quarantine, like many others, I did a lot of self-reflection," Kavesh shared. "The first thing I thought was, get it together, man. Cine boys don't wear fucking flip flops." Pre-quarantine, Kavesh reportedly had no game and got 0 babes. Post-quarantine, Kavesh dropped panties when he was spotted in the Dodge parking lot with rings and a tote bag. "I thought to myself, 'This can't be real,'" self-proclaimed Dodge sex symbol Molly Weisman said. "Khaki shorts Daniel Kavesh? Suddenly hot and mysterious?? But one day on set, I saw him reading a Joan Didion book. That's when I knew."

However, while he started out strong, sources report Kavesh is now fumbling the bag. Not only was he caught wearing a deep V neck in the piazza, but he was nowhere to be seen at the Sofia Coppola MasterClass. Kavesh's roommate, Jason James confessed, "The guy lost all three rings he bought within the first two weeks. He's from Wyoming, man. I don't think he ever had a chance."