Spooky! Orange Townie Arrested For Murders Of White Girls At The D

Authorities have arrested Brad Norkpussy, The District Lounge creepy bartender, for the alleged targeted murders of 12 Caucasian women. Bringing an end to the string of mysterious deaths at the infamous D. For years, Chapman students have speculated about the unsettling pattern: young white girls in black tube tops, mini skirts, and boots enjoying their Thursdays at The D, never to return home.

"My roommate just disappeared after she got that green tea shot. I thought maybe she was getting some really good dick that's lasted her a week or something," said senior Kylie McSparkle. "But when I went to The D the following Thursday and saw her glittery hot pink 34B cup bra hanging on the chandelier...chills."

Police revealed that Norkpussy had a sinister side hustle as a failed lobotomist. And The D loved the bra chandelier installation too much to stop him from killing these girls. Only picking the girls that refused to pay for shots, he would take them to his lab under Paul's to "lobotomize their asses," he said in his public statement.

In other news, The D and Paul's remain open, hoping this might attract a different type of group to their bars. "Free vodka crans to the non-white girls! You're safe here."