Things I'm gonna lick this fall

I am vaxxed. COVID is gone (duh.) Now, i NEEEED to lick some stuff. Here's a list of all the stuff my tongue's gonna touch this O-week:

• The front door knob of the FIJI Batavia house
• The back door knob of ur mom's house ;)
• The bust of Abraham Lincoln (sexxxy)
• The floor of the Hashinger basement (lots of texture)
• My sociology professor's butt
• The glass food protector thing at Qdoba
• The globe fountain (just perfect for licking)
• Each and every individual stair of the AF spiral staircase, to lube it up so people slip and fall and i can watch haha
• Ur balls (jk ew that's gross)

Note: We have just been informed that this writer's licking of several objects and people around campus may have a possible link to the creation of a new strain of the virus. The CDC is calling it the O - variant. Be careful out there, wear your masks, and don't touch anything that smells like garlic because she probably licked it.