WILKINSON SCHOOL OF CONTRAPTIONS SET TO SHUT DOWN

By jove! Dreadful news for our tinkerers of today! Wilkinson has fallen victim to the fads and other drivel of "humanities". As the college redirects funds to kiddie poems and "Political Science," seems Wilkinson's School of Contraptions may face complete annihilation.

"An outrage! This was the thinking man's paradise!" says Todd Cornfellow (B.A in Gadgets, minor in Beast Electrocution) "Where else can chaps like me build a big-wheeled bicycle or zap an elephant?"

Are the days of Edisonian intrigue not hip with the new age? Have so-so commonmen found more joy in booze and evolution? Sign of the times, sign of the times...

Some of us want job security, sue us! Ask a folk what they'd do with sociology, and you best wager it's nothing compared to a mechanical chimney-sweep. What in the hell is Creative Writing? Creatively write me the blueprints to a handy gadget, then we'll talk.

But I digress, us inventors fight on. Just last semester, a crew of 12 assembled a wind-up slug. At this rate our boys will be going to the moon. So keep trying, Liberal Arts, but you're as much a sham as the Wright's flying machine.