Another Car Hit by Historic Fountain; Conflict Continues.

Weeks ago, the plaza fountain in Orange Circle viciously attacked another car as it barreled down the road. This is the third attack this year, fueling the vendetta between the Plaza Fountain and innocent speeders. Time and time again O.C. Gov rebuilds this infernal contraption with more anti-car gadgets (traffic cones, signposts, etc).

"I couldn't believe my eyes," says expert booze-cruiser Joe Bawly; "That foul thing appeared right in The Circle's iconic straight road."

Pointing out the fountain's deceitful tactics, some victims recall seeing a large bullseye or fake road painted on the plaza. Fountain attacks have become so frequent that locals organized the "Drunkards Against Obstacles" alliance, drawing attention to the conniving objects of the night.

Denizens of Orange are afraid, some too scared to drunk drive at all. It's obvious we need a more tried-and-true solution for this water-spewing menace.

At the end of the day, it's clear someone has to step on the pedal and destroy it for good.