BREAKING: Chapman University Ends

The four pillars in the piazza lay in ruin, crumbled into the earth. Locusts roam the land, decimating the caf and the DMAC. The Berlin Wall has fallen. There is only stillness here, echoes of a world forgotten. Chapman University has met its downfall.

There are few who remember how it happened, and fewer still who recall the Old World before it. The elders of the Orange Circle tell tales of a "Stroo-Pah" who once ruled this place. But he vanished, as did the money of that bygone era, and the world collapsed in his absence with no one left to hold it together.

How it happened, we may never know. Whispers carry on the wind for those who will listen, carrying the screams of his dissidents into eternity. If you put your ear to the ground, you can still hear the slow march of those leaving this poisoned land. Stories of a university defeated linger like ghosts in purgatory, haunting these halls like the stale Qdoba air.

These hallowed halls come crashing down on us. Yet we press on. We must face this new world together, lest we fall to its perils. Panthers, remember this wisdom of the elders: "paws up."