Graduating Senior Finally Understands the Point of It All

Soon-to-be alumnus Holden Plumbo was struck by divine realization this Monday, mere days before graduation.

"I had just finished up my last final, and for the first time ever, I realized that there are like, unforgettable memories to be made here," says Holden, "you're saying people have been making those this whole time?"

Holden, a Computer Science/Business Admin double major, was previously unaware that friendships, clubs, communities, emotional growth, intellectual stimulation, social connection, personal achievement, and once-in-a-lifetime experiences could be meaningful, stating, "I didn't really see how any of that could help me get a lucrative career postgrad, you know?"

But after walking through Attallah Piazza for the first time, Holden fell to his knees. "It was beautiful. I saw enthusiastic freshmen talking about starting a club. Former roommates laughing about an old inside joke. Posters for these things called comedy shows, plays, performances, and sports games. And even students who explored intellectual topics by choice, without ChatGPT! It was incredible!"

Holden, now a changed man, plans to spend his last week at Chapman by making his first friend and going to this place called "The Orange Circle," as well as spreading the word that "college was meaningful this whole time." According to recent data, 80% of the student body still remains unaware.