Campus Starbucks SCANDAL! Gender Wage Gap between Twinks & Butches

After receiving an anonymous tip from a furious 100 pound NMillz look alike, we at the Kumquat can confirm: the cunty tea that has served the clocked chile is true. The Beckman Barista Baddies have uncovered a horrific pay difference of one (1) panther buck between she/they strawberry acai shakers and grindr bean grinders.

The leading theory is that management has punished its MLMs on staff for their poor work ethic compared to the WLWs. Lesbian shift lead Tracy Chads explained that the girl lovers have nothing to do with this, other than the fact that their pre-work lift sessions make them extra pumped and energized, advantageous for quick milk steaming.

Our whistleblower shared, "It's not my fault the lesbians make drinks faster — they're all on adderall and preworkout!" In retaliation, the he/gays are still showing up to work, but have refused to make anything caffeinated, or with oatmilk. "It's a pride month tragedy..." claims 'bisexual' Thomas Slim (Creative Writing, '27) "for the bi-folks, they split it even by paying us 50 cents more if we've actually dated the same sex,".