Chapman Scammed By Email

Amidst the hubbub of the online age, even the wise leaders in charge of our university can get a little mixed up. While sorting through swaths of mail, complaints, and pleas, the head of the Financial Aid Office discovered an offer he couldn't refuse.

The email, sent by 59DollaSign@Yahoo.com, could've convinced anyone, reading "I am the next in line as the heir prince of Tel Aviv, and I am in danger. I must receive 100 million dollars in order to safely return home." This cry for help tugged at the heartstrings of Mr. Chapman, who promptly sent $100 million in Amazon gift cards, with the promise that once the young heir made it home free and unfroze his bank account, he would send a "Royal Sum" to repay our university's kindness.

Alas, no Royal Sum has been received. It appears the prince could not safely make it home. We think it to be bandits or email interception by an Intifada virus. Or, the most sinister possibility: this was a scam sent by enemies, while the real prince is locked up. Going forward, Chapman vows to avoid scams like this in the future. They will send 100 million by more traditional means. Tuition will be raised by 1k to fund "online defense."