Chapman University to Pull a Jurassic Park

As some of you may have already heard, a Dinosaur fossil has taken up residence here on our campus. Now the question on everyones minds is: Why the fuck are we doing that? "Look, we can only pay off the Hollywood Reporter to say we're the fourth best film school in the country for so long," says University President Danielle Struppa, "We need something big, something that's gonna attract a crowd, something to defend our constantly rising tuition, that's why we brought dinosaurs back to life, what's the worst that can happen?" Some students say there's a lot of bad things that can happen. "They're already feeding it the bottom performing 10% of business majors, which like, ok at least it's not getting a taste for HUMAN blood, but still not a step in the right direction at all." The new park is set to open in just a few weeks time. Containment issues are reportedly "getting better" as the Dinosaur has only torn down one building this week. Sorry to the folks in North Morlan who have to spend the night under the stars, but take comfort in the fact that the dinosaur is just as scared of you as you are of it.