Dodge's Pipeline to Hollywood Raises Health and Safety Concerns

Dodge students were greeted at the start of interterm by yet another modification to the Marion Knott Studios lobby: a miles-long sewer tunnel leading to a cellar under Grauman's Chinese Theatre. "It's Chapman's very own pipeline to Hollywood!" Dodge Dean Stephen Galloway proudly announced in a New Years email. "Accessibility is our #1 priority, so we made the staircase leading to the tunnel wide enough to be accessed by several students at once."

However, the so-called accessible pipeline has proven quite hazardous. Lack of drainage has led to pools of stagnant water becoming breeding grounds for diseased mosquitoes and poisonous algae. Lack of fresh air ventilation has caused 6 students to asphyxiate in the inner chambers of the tunnel. Moreover, it's become a financial hazard as Chapman is facing a lawsuit from TCL Technology for unauthorized construction on Grauman's Chinese Theatre.

Nonetheless, Galloway remains undeterred with his upcoming projects. "Considering the response to our pipeline to Hollywood," he wrote in a later email, "I hope you won't be so dour about our media circus."