From the Editor's Desk: February 2024

The Kumquat was weak. Floundering in self-satisfied mediocrity, we sat on our laurels, unwilling to do what was necessary in the push towards literary domination.

That is, until I arrived. Throwing a violent coup, I took the editorial board by force, executing all my political dissidents with a firing squad I got off of Fizz Marketplace. Fearing my wrath, "Madame Editor" and that weird little guy called "Kummy" have gone into hiding, leaving me to shepard the glorious future of Chapman's funniest orange paper.

The writers will be chained to their keyboards. The graphic design team will fear the watchful eye of an omnipresent surveillance network. My secret police, the "Kumstapo" will destroy The Panther in a matter of weeks.

You can call me a fascist as much as you want to, liberals, but I'm just doing what's best for the Kumquat. And plus, I actually am a fascist, so like, it doesn't even matter.

Totalitarianally yours,

Tyrant Editor