Lacking housing, Office of Residence Life begins The Great Cull

Bad news Chapfolk! If you or any of your friends live in the Chapman apartments, it's time to barricade your doors, stock up on canned foods, and silently pray that The Hooded Ones don't find you!

After running out of new apartment complexes to buy, residence life offices have taken their axes and pitchforks out of storage to remove extraneous students and make a little extra room.

"It's pretty cool," claims one freshman. "The K got culled last night, so I really think I can get a spot there next year."

According to The Hooded Ones and their blood-written parchment posted around campus, students "selected as tribute to the elder housing gods will be dragwwged to The Pit for gladiatorial combat, determining who will be transferred to new housing in the outer planes of existence in a state of eternal torment (Panther Village). Paws up!"

Thankfully, The Hooded Ones will be offering partial housing deposit refunds to culled student families.