HawkTuah Girl is MY President!

In the same week as our boring national election, ChapTown chose HawkTuah Girl to replace Struppa in a pivotal and inspiring win for democracy!

HawkTuah Girl rose to the occasion, with promises to "get everyone a date with her AI dating app, PookieTools™" and to implement "Spit on that Thang™ Pods" in the Student Union during the ChapTown Hall. Gaining support from both the administration and the student body (mainly minority members at Chapman –heterosexual men and incels– who have dubbed themselves the "ChapPatriots"), she pleased the administration with the huge turnout.

The peak of support from the ChapPatriots came from HawkTuah Girl's claims to create a wall between Chapman and Orange High School to "keep them kids out of the Starbucks". So when an anonymous hater threw a Hydroflask at HawkTuah Girl's head, her quick recovery with the familiar, "Give them the ol' Hawk Tuah!" cemented her vote with the audience and they echoed her sentiments with fist-raising praise.

With HawkTuah Girl's win pioneering the way for women in politics, maybe soon our country will be ready for a woman President.