ISO: Replacement Hag

I never thought this time would come, but here we are. If you’re reading this, I’ve had to resort to dire measures to get my bitch back.

Last week, something earth-shattering happened. Kat, my beautiful, amazing hag, soft-launched a new man on her tiktok. A new gay man.

We’ve been separated by summer break for a month now, but I didn’t think she’d move on that fast. I like to keep my hags in a row, and she knows this. Cheating on me with another 5’10 brunette is cruel and fucking unusual. Kat is was my main hag. With whom can I ki with now? Who will absorb all of my album recs so that we can go see Tate Mcrae together? Et tu brute?

Kat, if you’re hearing this, you’ve gone a step too far. I should be the only man in your life. Remember when you stopped talking to that guy freshman year because he side-eyed me weirdly one night in Pralle? We used to have such a good time…

So, if you’re a beautiful woman who doesn’t mind a few backhanded complements once and a while, PLEASE DM ME. I’ve never gone this long without an emotional support hag before. I don’t know how much longer I can take.