MISSING: O-Week Companion... And My Heart...

Last seen in a khakis-sandals fit on the last day of O-week: my best friend in the whole wide world. It’s been a month since school started, bro, you can’t still be “hella busy w class n shi.”

It was a cool summer night, the kind you enjoy on a cheap buzz with horny strangers to your left and right. My brother (that’s what we really were) struck up a conversation about our fascinating Dodge application films. He’d chosen to capture an indie homoerotic-friendship story in 4:3 aspect ratio based on someone he met in grade school. He didn’t ask me about mine but we exchanged Snaps and he smirked when I remarked on his score. “You don’t get into a place like this without those numbers.” Legend.

Tonight, I look up to the sky for light, for a sign that he’s thinking of me. He’s out there, being a dirty dog, I just know it but, oh, the memories we shared before he stopped inviting me to his Tipsy Tuesdays. Now it's me and the Twea on Tuesdays (and Thursdays-Sundays) because Jake from Colorado has moved on. The frats we were gonna rush together, the bitches we plotted on, even the Newport plans, down the drain! C’mon man. I thought we were homies. Help me, readers, in my quest to reignite the friendship flame! That’s one white boy I need back on my roster.