My Roommate is an AI

Transcript of an interview with a class of 2030 freshman

Call me crazy, but I think my roommate is an AI. During move-in, I walked into my room. He was already there, and said “Hey, how are you?” Like, come on. He then started to ask me about my hobbies, and what my “Letterboxd top four is.” It was then I started to suspect something…

Get this. Last week, he asked if we could split a Britta. Oh what, to drink up valuable water? That got me thinking, and I started watching him more carefully. This guy drinks an entire glass of water each morning. It’s horrifying.

Just last night, he came home super late, and literally STAGGERED into our room. He was slurring his words and fell asleep in his clothes, clearly needing to charge. It was really crazy to see, it felt like one of those “Dark Mirror” episodes that are going around.

He doesn’t even talk to me anymore, which is so clearly the sign of an outdated model. We just talk about our classes, and then he puts on “headphones” and “listens to music.” It’s truly lazy coding, he must be running an OS from a few years ago. Step it up, Mr. Altman.

Long story short, I can see AIs that nobody else can. It’s a blessing, but also a curse. I’m starting to think that most of the people at this school are AI, but nobody can see it. Why must I live like this…