Shoutout To The Girl Who Wishes She Were a Lesbian

In honor of Pride Month, the Kumquat wants to honor a true hero of the queer community. And that is, of course, Ashley from your communications class, who "would go lesbian if she could."

When discussing how her boyfriend makes her Zelle him for gas money, Ashley told Brooke, her lesbian classmate, "Ohhhh my God, you're so lucky you're gay. Me? No, unfortunately, straight. Yeah, total barf alert. I actually thought I was gay in seventh grade when I thought Zendaya was pretty, so I totally get where you're coming from. Have I ever been attracted to another woman? No, I actually involuntarily puke in my mouth a little bit every time I think about the female form. So weird! Especially because people are always telling me I look like a lesbian."

And who can blame them! Her nostril piercing, bangs, and Ethel Cain addiction certainly point to some sort of woman-loving tendencies. But no—when Brooke asked Ashley why she doesn't just break up with her boyfriend and date a woman, Ashley said she simply, "could never kiss, hug, touch, or look at a woman sensually in any capacity because eww. Also, have you seen my boyfriend's abs?" What a true ally!