Struppa deemed unfit for normal life, sent straight to hell

Someone call Dante - Struppa's being put through the Seven Circles of Hell! Here's what to expect:

Limbo: Italians know Christ exists. That's what's up! Or down? Lust: Not much for him here, am I right, fellas? Fellas?

Gluttony: Maybe all of those pasta dinners in the Piazza weren't for the better...

Greed: Even the devil knows about that $1.8 million paycheck. Nice try, Struppa, but you can't cash-bribe your way out of this one.

Anger: Hell hath no fury like a woman (or a private university president) scorned!

Heresy: Did we say that he's a devout Christian? Oops, must've made a typo. He's a Catholic. Everyone knows those guilty bitches don't really believe in the power of the good lord.

Violence: You want to allow violence against students on campus? Get him, boys!

Fraud: The government might not know about those offshore accounts, but the devil sure does. Good luck explaining that situation!

Treachery: Danielle's forever home! No action has gone unnoticed, no evil deed too small to tally up. Don't think we don't know what you've done, Danielle Struppa, no matter the lengths you've gone to hide them. The world will know your secrets. Every mistake. Every flaw. So don't slip up. We'll be watching.

Oh, and send us a postcard while you're away! We hear hell is actually quite nice in the winter.