Check Out This Asshole! Education Major Actually Using Their Degree

Get a load of this piece of shit: Zoe Bonfield ('23) was an IES major and now, shockingly, works in her field! While Zoe's friends are trying to get funding for their short films and getting way too good at being baristas, Zoe is spending her days doing exactly what she wants to do, using methods she paid thousands of dollars to learn.

"It's incredibly fulfilling. All I ever wanted was to be a teacher," said Zoe with that big, annoying smile of hers.

Zoe was hired right out of college at Magnolia Elementary in Burbank and has taught 4th grade there ever since. She received a raise after her first year and is now up for tenure. TENURE! This news has been quite the pill to swallow for some of Zoe's peers, particularly Megan Greenberg ('23), a Screenwriting major with a minor in Some Other Bullshit:

"It was hard enough when my friend Jackie (News & Doc, '23) became an anchor in Denver, but now this?? If someone in my grade sells a movie before me, I am going to jump off Jim Miller."

We've tried to reach management, but they're all working from home this summer to catch up on Drag Race.