Devastating: 25-Year-Old No Longer "Just Graduated"

Heartbreaking news out of Los Angeles County as Chapman graduate Dylan Flagg has turned 25. Most graduates fear losing their parents' health insurance at age 26, but, as it turns out, a much bigger loss occurs at 25, as Peterson can no longer tell people he meets that he "just graduated from school." In fact, reporters close to the situation can confirm he's been in Los Angeles for over three years at this point, and his accomplishments have been described by people familiar with Peterson's trajectory as "dick-all."

"Sure, you can not use your degree at 22, 23, even 24, but at 25? Something's seriously wrong with you," says one source who is described as "having raised Adrian." Not one to be deterred, Adrian plans to move out of his current role in substitute teaching into an exciting new opportunity in a UCB 101 class.