Fraternities to use Sorting Hat in Rush.

Amidst a bunch of lame snitches making it into frats, greek life has decided to employ a "Sorting Hat" to ensure the right perverts get in. Besides weeding out little tattletales, the Sorting Hat will also guide students into the frat that best suits them.

Some examples of this being the self-proclaimed "funny guys" going to Adelphos, students who believe their Letterboxed opinions matter going to DKA, and men who couldn't define consent going to Pike. Students who lack any of these defining traits will be sorted at random into any of the other 13 "unique" (completely irrelevant) alternatives.

And that's not the only change, says economics major Ryan Pert, "they also wear cloaks, send us messages via owls, and they don't even use the same slurs as last year, they keep calling me a 'muggle' like what even is that?"

While some students question this shift, the fraternities have urged the rushing class of 2024 to trust in their process. One such member, senior potions major Tyler Totting stated "If you don't like the way we do things now you can bloody piss off, we had this at my old school and it was ruddy brilliant!"