Kumquat Alum's Article Tragically Withheld From Front of Issue Once Again

History does repeat itself! Tragedy struck this month's web-only issue of the Kumquat when Kumquat alum Michael Callahan had his article withheld from the front page once again. "I don't know what I expected," Michael tells us solemnly, "you'd think after four years on the team and one year postgrad I've earned my place among the best, but I guess I'm just dogshit."

However, it's not Michael's fault at all! Kumquat founder and CEO, Johnny Kumquat, recently stated in a press release that the publication has specifically targeted Michael for no reason. "We put all the staff's names on a roulette wheel one day and decided to torment whoever it landed on," recounts Mr. Kumquat. "But Michael was always the ideal candidate, because I hate him!"

Mr. Kumquat is not alone in this sentiment: we also hate Michael. In fact, putting this issue together was just our way of giving him one last middle finger. Slob on our collective knob, Mikey!