OP-ED: Why am I the Only Bitch Serving Cunt at My Internship?

Finally, after 3 long years sleeping through all of my notoriously difficult business classes, I have acquired an exclusive, 80 hours a week, unpaid, internship at Goldman Sachs that my daddy hooked up for me. While I have no idea what the company does, or who Mr. Sachs is (Lol? Balls?) I know that I had to really stand out. On my first day, I went classic "Goldman", with shiny jewelry accenting my trans-masc flair. No one at the office seemed to appreciate my Miu Miu basketball shorts and my solid gold Chrome Hearts tank top. Yes, I might've shown up 2 hours late to my first day, but solid gold is not easy to carry on my delicate, they/he shoulders when sensually strutting down Wall Street. Everyone else at this boring job was wearing collared shirts and vests, but like... giving fugly office siren vibes I guess. And yet I was threatened with "academic probation" for "not doing any work ever" and "never bringing my laptop in" (it's literally ugly). Looks like I'll have to wear my Steve Madden boots and my cropped Aritzia blazer to really show I mean businezz.