Articles
What tickles your fancy today?
Politics
ANNOUNCEMENT: Chapman’s New Club Policy
Issue 86 | August 2026
You can organize or whatever all you want as long as you do it away from where people (tour groups) can see or hear you.
I'm a Pedophile, and I Love it Here!
Issue 83 | May 2026
As a little kid, I always had a profound attraction to other little kids. It wasn’t until I was older that I realized this was actually a bad thing!
From the K to the Kremlim: New Parlow-Funded Russian Internship
Issue 83 | May 2026
After careful analysis of current political mishaps in our former Cold War Enemy, Parlow has redirected the Struppa Nobu Budget (100 million Russian Rubles) to install The Summer Kremlin Internship Program.
The Truth About "Meet the Heroes"
Issue 82 | April 2026
Read more to find out.
I Am in Wilkinson and I Am Apolitical
Issue 81 | March 2026
I’ve tried to hide it for years, but now that I’m a senior, I feel that it’s only right to confess.
My Rocky Journey as a Serial Killer at Chapman
Issue 79 | November 2025
As a boy, I always knew I wanted to kill people. Other kids on the playground would play tag or "Cowboys and Indians," while I spent my time killing people.
From the Editor's Desk: November 2025
Issue 79 | November 2025
Guys… is woke back? We got gay trump and a Mamdani grand slam all in one month.
Come On! Let's Put the Geno-aside! Chapman Gets Hip Hop on Gaza
Issue 78 | October 2025
Did you know Tupac’s from Israel? Uh-huh, Now that’s hot!
Kumquat Goes Straight
Issue 77 | September 2025
Some fun new stories you can look forward to seeing are “ICE Agents: Not as bad as you’d think,” and “Obama: The source of current economic issues?”
Photodump Undermined by National Crisis
Issue 75 | July 2025
Our country is facing a tumultuous time, but none have suffered quite like Kelsey Peretti ('22). Peretti spent Q2 curating the perfect 18-slide-photodump when, tragically, on the day she was planning to drop her masterpiece, The National Guard arrived in Los Angeles.
Chapman Launches New Pride Collection!
Issue 74 | June 2025
Heyyyyyy gays...we know you haven't been too happy with us lately, what with us rolling back DEI and using your tuition money to fund child murder. But we, your beloved Chapman administrators, have decided to be the bigger people and say...we forgive you!
One of Us? Multiple "Chapman Republicans" Caught At LA Pride
Issue 74 | June 2025
Yup. What we all feared to be true has come to pass. They weren't hard to spot— their signs, written in chicken scratch, their bellies, plump from years of pounding Coors, and their hair, muffin-topped and lopsided, were all dead giveaways (if their Trump smut tattoos weren't enough).