Articles
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From the Editor's Desk
From the Editor's Desk: August 2026
Issue 86 | August 2026
Our unpaid interns have been working tirelessly this summer to prepare the ultimate Kumquat experience!
From the Editor's Desk (June 2026)
Issue 84 | June 2026
Your favorite article? yeah, I wrote it. Your least favorite article? Probably wrote that too. My dictatorship starts NOW!!
10 Kummandments
Issue 83 | May 2026
Hey guys. Editor Christ here. I'm going to be nailed to a cross soon, but before I go, I thought I should impart some wisdom on y'all.
Thoughts on Dying Soon
Issue 83 | May 2026
Lowkey thank god. Like I love you guys so much and this was great fun but one more year at this glorified rich kid summer camp and I'll actually die for real.
From the Editor's Desk: February 2026
Issue 80 | February 2026
AVAST Kumquat Readers! THAT’S RIGHT! After much deliberation from me piers, I be the new Kumquat editor!
From the Editor's Desk: November 2025
Issue 79 | November 2025
Guys… is woke back? We got gay trump and a Mamdani grand slam all in one month.
From the Editor's Desk: June 2025
Issue 74 | June 2025
I'd rather be a little more proactive and list dying federal/state programs that need your help (because Bezos alwaaays needs a tax cut).
From the Editor's Desk: May 2025
Issue 73 | May 2025
Time to say goodbye to the weird, funny, brown brilliance that only I could bring to this paper.
From the Editor's Desk: April 2025
Issue 72 | April 2025
Dear Struppa, It's me again. Tyrant Editor. Look, I know you said you needed space. But I... I needed to try one more time.
From the Editor's Desk: February 2025
Issue 70 | February 2025
As I look unto you, I see a generation of deviants. Men discussing "goonmaxxing" and "jelqing" rather than the Holy Gospel. Women trading in their iron crucifixes for silicon phalluses that generate enough torque to move a bus. Heresy has taken hold of you all.
From the Editor's Desk: December 2024
Issue 68 | December 2024
Hello, sheeple. Tyrant Editor here, and it is a FANTASTIC DAY to be an evil, greedy, and power-corrupt overlord!
From The Editor's Desk: October 2024
Issue 67 | October 2024
AHHHHH! You scared me; that's a crazy-looking mask. Oh, wait...is that...your face?? What happened to that strict skincare?